带翻译的关于英语百万富翁的小故事

1. 带翻译的关于英语百万富翁的小故事

有点长，不过比较符合你的要求


Rags to Riches

　　从街头流浪汉到百万富翁

　　Chris Gardner tells 20/20 how he worked to move himself from a life of homelessness to a successful life as a businessman.

　　Chris Gardner在《美国广播公司新闻》20/20点节目讲述了他如何从街头流浪到成为百万富翁的经历。

　　Gardner is the head of his own brokerage firm and lives in a Chicago Townhouse——one of his three homes with a collection of tailored suits， designer shoes， and Miles Davis albums.

　　Gardner自己开了一家经纪人公司并任总管，住在芝加哥别墅区——他三处住宅中的其中一处，里面收藏有西装，时装鞋和Miles Davis的唱片集。

　　His path to this extraordinary success took a series of extraordinary turns. Just 20 years ago， Gardner was homeless and living， on occasion， in a bathroom at a Bay Area Rapid Transit station in Oakland， Calif.

　　在成功的道路上，他历经了一系列坎坷挫折。20年前，Gardner无家可归，有时就住在加州奥克兰市湖湾区快速运输站上的洗手间里过夜。

　　Gardner was raised by his mother， a schoolteacher. He says he never knew his father while he was growing up. But his mother had a way of keeping him grounded when he dreamed of things like being a jazz trumpeter.

　　Gardner从小由当教师的母亲抚养长大。他说自己从未见过父亲。但是，当他梦想作一名爵士乐小号手时，他母亲有一套方法指导他。

　　“Mothers have a way of saying things，” Gardner said， “She explained to me， 'Son， there's only one Miles Davis and he got that job. So you have to do something else. But what that something else was， I did not know.'”

　　“母亲有自己的表述方法。”Gardner说：“她对我说，'儿子，只有一个Miles Davis，他从事这个行业。因此，你就得做其他的事情，至于那是什么事情，我就不知道了。'”

　　Gardner credits his uncles with providing the male influence he needed. Many of them were military veterans. So， straight out of high school， he enlisted in the Navy for four years. He says it gave him a sense of what was possible.

　　Gardner认为是他的叔叔给他提供了影响他的人生道路的男人。他们中许多人是部队里的老兵。因此，高中一毕业，他就报名参军当了四年的海军。他称这给他带来一种成就感。

　　A Red Ferrari and a Turning Point

　　一辆红色法拉利，一次人生转折点

　　After the military， Gardner took a job as a medical supply salesman. Then， he says， he reached another turning point in his life. In a parking lot， he met a man driving a red Ferrari.“ He was looking for a parking space. And I said， 'You can have mine. But I gotta ask you two questions.' The two questions were： What do you do？ And how do you do that？ Turns out this guy was a stockbroker and he was making $80，000 a month.”

　　退役以后，Gardner作起了医药销售员。他说，那时，他经历了人生又一个转折点。在一处停车场，他遇见一名男子驾着一辆红色法拉利。“他正在找一个停车摊位。我说，'你可以停我这里。但我要问你两个问题。”这两个问题是：你做什么工作？你怎样去做？这个人原来是股票经纪人，月薪8万美元。

　　Gardner began knocking on doors， applying for training programs at brokerages， even though it meant he would have to live on next to nothing while he learned. When he finally was accepted into a program， he left his job in medical sales. But his plans collapsed as suddenly as they had materialized. The man who offered him the training slot was fired， and Gardner had no job to go back to.

　　Gardner开始上门申请学习经纪人课程，即使这意味着在他学习期间会衣食无着。当他终于被录取上培训班时，他辞掉销售员的工作。然而，他的计划突然之间转为泡影正如他们突然呈现一样。那个曾经答应给他上培训课的人被辞退了，而Gardner又丢掉了自己的工作。

　　Things got worse. He was hauled off to jail for $1，200 in parking violations that he couldn't pay. His wife left him. Then she asked him to care for their young son without her. Despite his lack of resources， Gardner said， “I made up my mind as a young kid that when I had children， my children were gonna know who their father was.” Although a broker finally helped him enter a training program， Gardner wound up with no place to live. He was collecting a meager stipend as a brokerage trainee， and， like many working poor in America， he had a job but couldn't make ends meet.

　　事情弄得一团糟，更糟糕的是，他因交不起$1，200停车违章罚款费而被监禁。他的妻子离他而去。之后，她要求他来抚养孩子。尽管缺少经济来源， Gardner说，'我从小就打定主意：我有了孩子，他们一定会知道他们的爸爸是谁。“尽管一个经纪人终于帮他上了培训班，最后，Gardner弄得身无栖身之地。当时，他只筹集到少量的培训班学费。正像许多美国穷人一样，他找了一份工作，但还是入不敷出。

　　The Kindness of Strangers

　　陌生人施善帮助

　　When he could afford it， he stayed with his son， Chris Jr.， in cheap motels. When they returned home at night， Gardner says， he received help from some unexpected sources. “The ladies of the evening were beginning their shift. And they would always see myself， this baby and the stroller.      当他交起学费时，他和儿子Chris Jr.住在廉价汽车旅馆里。 Gardner说，他们深更半夜回家时意外地受到一些人的帮助。”晚上，女士来汽车旅馆上夜班，总是看见我、小婴儿和那辆推车。“

　　“So they started giving him $5 bills. Without their help， Gardner said， there would have been nights when he couldn't have fed his son. The Rev. Cecil Williams， founder of Glide Memorial Church in San Francisco， remembers the first time he saw Gardner， who had gone to the church with his son to stand in a meal line. He said， ”I wondered， 'What in the world is a man doing with a baby？'“

　　于是，她们就掏出五块钱给他。Gardner说，没有她们的帮助，儿子可能就会挨饿。旧金山Glide 教堂的创建人Rev. Cecil Williams回忆第一次见到Gardner的情形，当时他带着儿子排在就餐队伍中间。他说，“我当时纳闷：一个大男人怎么会身边拖着一个婴儿？”

　　Even to Williams， it was an unusual sight. The Urban Institute estimates that children make up 25 percent of the nation's homeless population， but most are living with a single mother，not the father.      就连Williams也弄不明白这是怎么回事。根据城市协会估算，全国无家可归的人口中儿童占到百分之二十五。但是，绝大多数儿童和单亲母亲而不是单亲父亲一起生活。

　　It Is a Green Thing

　　全靠经验

　　With Williams' help and a room supplied by Glide Memorial when he needed it， Gardner not only made it through the brokerage training program， he passed his licensing exam on the first try.

　　在Williams的帮助下，Gardner 需要时就住在Glide教堂提供的一间房间里，Gardner不仅完成经纪人培训课程学习，而且一次性通过营业执照考试。

　　Gardner went to work making cold calls at the firm of Dean Witter. He says no one at the firm knew he was homeless. “I was the first one at work， I was the last one to leave. I'd be on the phone， 200 phone calls a day. That's what they noticed，” he said. “Every time I picked up that phone， I was digging my way out of this hole.”

　　Gardner为谋到一份工作，几次访问Dean Witter的公司，受到冷遇，他说公司里没有人知道他无家可归。“我第一个上班，最后一个下班。我一天接200个电话。这就是他们注意到的，”他说。“每一次我接电话，我都在寻找出路。”

　　Gardner moved on to Bear， Stearns. As he learned the business， he also learned that it came with some unpleasant baggage. Because African-American brokers were rare， one phone customer， assuming that Gardner was white， told racist jokes as he placed his orders. When the client came for a face-to-face meeting， Gardner says， “He was either gonna close his account with me or I was gonna get all his business.”

　　Gardner搬到Stearns市Bear区居住。他学会做生意的同时，还懂得干这一行的艰辛，因为美籍非洲人很少作经纪人，有一位打电话的顾客以为Gardner是白人，一面下定单，一面讲带有种族歧视的玩笑，当顾客前来开会互相照面时，Gardner说，“他要么不再委托我作他的经纪人，要么把生意全都交给我做。”

　　Gardner kept the account.“That's when I learned in this business it's not a black thing， it's not a white thing， it's a green thing. If you can make me money， I don't care what color you are.”

　　客户继续让他做下去。“我干这行才了解到，作经纪人与你是黑人还是白人无关，全靠经验。只要你能给我股票赚钱，我就不管你是什么肤色。”

　　In 1987， with $10，000 in capital， Gardner started his own company in Chicago，operating at first from his home. His company is now an institutional brokerage firm with offices in Chicago's financial district.

　　1987年，Gardner 用$10，000美元作资本在芝加哥的家中创立了自己的公司，他的公司现在是一家经纪人公司，办事处设在芝加哥金融区。

　　Ironically， when San Francisco's Bay Area Rapid Transit System issued new bonds to raise money a few years ago， one of the underwriters was Gardner's company run by a man who， when he was homeless， had bathed his son in the bathroom of one of its train stations.     具有讽刺意义的是，几年前，当旧金山湖湾区快速运输站发行债券募集资金时，一家保险公司的经营者正是当年在火车站洗手间给他儿子洗澡的那个男人。

　　No Books， No Bucks

　　不读好书，赚不到钱

　　He has donated money to educational projects in memory of his mother. And he has been honored for his work on behalf of an organization called Career Gear， which helps clothe and advise young people who are applying for jobs.

　　为了纪念母亲，Gardner把捐款给教育工程。并且他因为为Career Gear机构的出色工作而受到表彰。该机构给申请就业的年青人提供衣物和忠告。

　　When he speaks at high schools he keeps his message simple， telling students： “No books， no bucks. That's it.”      当他在高中做报告时，他简洁地告诉学生，“不读好书就赚不到钱，就是这样。”

　　He also has returned many times to Glide Memorial in San Francisco， not only to donate money， but to work on the food line where he used to stand. “I see me， I see my son 20 years ago，”he said. “And I know how important this meal is to that individual， to that man， that woman.”      他还多次回到旧金山的Glide教堂，不仅是去捐款，也是到他曾经站过的免费餐台前服务。“我看到20年前的我自己，看到我的儿子，”他说。“我深知这一餐对于一个人，那个男人，那个女人有多重要。

2. 英语幽默笑话故事

On his deathbed poor Lubin lies； 
His spouse is in despair； 
With frequent sobs and mutual cries； 
They both express their care． 
“A different cause，”says Parson Sly， 
“The same effect may give：
Poor Lubin fears that he may die ； 
His wife，that he may live”． 
合理的哀伤 
马修·普赖厄 
可怜的鲁宾躺在他的病床里； 
他的妻子陷入绝望； 
频频啜泣，相对哭啼， 
他们都表达着忧伤。 
“不同原因，”滑头牧师说， 
“可产生同样结果： 
可怜的鲁宾怕他会死； 
他老婆，怕他会活。” 
                                               
Dear white, something you got to know
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。 

When I was born, I was black.
当我出生时，我是黑色的

When I grow up, I am black.
我长大了，我是黑色的

When I'm under the sun, I'm black.
我在阳光下，我是黑色的

When I'm cold, I'm black.
我寒冷时，我是黑色的

When I'm afraid, I'm black.
我害怕时，我是黑色的

When I'm sick, I'm black.
我生病了，我是黑色的

When I die, I'm still black.
当我死了，我仍是黑色的。

you---white people,
你---白种人

When you were born, you were pink.
当你出生时，你是粉红色的

When you grow up, you become white.
你长大了，变成白色的

You're red under the sun.
你在阳光下，你是红色的

You're blue when you're cold.
你寒冷时，你是青色的

You are yellow when you're afraid.
你害怕时，你是黄色的

You're green when you're sick.
你生病时，你是绿色的

You're gray when you die.
当你死时，你是灰色的

And you, call me "color"?
而你，却叫我「有色人种」？

3. 高分求英语幽默小故事，小笑话

动物园里来了一只猩猩长的奇丑无比，游客见了没有不吐的，第一天我去看，我吐了，第二天你去看猩猩吐了，我就纳闷人与人之间的差距咋就这么大呢！
  公园有一对恋人正在甜蜜，女孩撒娇说：“老公，我牙痛”男孩吻了女孩说：“还痛吗？”女孩说：“不痛了。”旁边有一老太太看见了，忍不住的说：“小伙子，你真神拉，能治痔疮不？”
  医生对护士说：你去问那位受伤的太太的名字，好通知她家里。护士一会儿回来后说：病人说不用了，家里人知道我的名字。
  妈妈买回一网兜水果，叮咛儿子：你把水果放到谁的手都够不到的地方。儿子说：妈妈，那就放在我肚子里好了。
  妈妈买回一网兜水果，叮咛儿子：你把水果放到谁的手都够不到的地方。儿子说：妈妈，那就放在我肚子里好了。
  小孩：打针前为什么要给我擦棉球？父亲：那是酒精啊，先把你屁股擦醉，再扎就不疼了。小孩：可我还疼啊？父亲：那是你的酒量大。
  老师：鱼为什么只能在水里生活？学生：因为陆地上有猫。
  教授对一名智力早熟的6岁男孩进行测验。教授问：你的生日是哪一天？小孩：2月20日。教授：哪一年？小孩：每一年。
  有个女人站在一幅画像前，画中是一个衣衫褴楼的流浪汉。她高声说：想想吧！连买件像样衣服的钱也没有，却还能请得起人给他画像。
  小时候，咱俩两小无猜，我唱歌你伴舞，我能唱二百首歌，你就能跳二百支舞，所以人们亲切的叫我二百歌，叫你二百舞。
  健康提示：吃饱饭后,一戒吸烟,二戒洗澡,三戒生气,四戒松裤带,五戒刷牙,六戒上厕所,七戒喝酒,八戒你知道了吗?
  芳和男朋友在小树林约会时，都能听到男朋友难听的嗓子在唱歌。小芳：你这么一唱，把树林里其他人都吓跑了！男朋友：要的就是这个效果，不然怎么清场！

4. 英语幽默笑话长篇故事

笑话第一篇（这篇若外国人看了一定会笑） Adam and Joseph were talking about their families. Adam said,"My grandfather was a very good conductor before he died" "Was he a musician?" joseph asked. "No,"said Adam,"he was struck by lightning." 亚当和约瑟正在谈及他们的家人。 亚当说：「我祖父在他死前是一个很好的conductor(conductor可作指挥，或导电体解） 约瑟问：「他是不是一个音乐家？」 亚当说：「不是，他是被雷电击中」 第二个笑话 The Bishop spoke to the congregation about the shortage of priests and nuns. "Too many of you are only having one child and letting them go off into other professions. I propose that each family should have three children: one for the father, one for mother and one for the church." A few days later, the bishop was out shopping when he saw a pregnant woman from his parish. But before he could say hello, she shouted above the crowd,"This one is yours, Bishop!" 有一个主教对他的会众说及，神父和修女的短缺。 他说：「你们当中太多人只生一个孩子，并让他们从事其他行业。我建议每个家庭应有三个孩子，一个为著爸爸，一个为著妈妈，一个为著教会。」 几天后，主教外出购物，并看到一个他教区的孕妇，在他向她问安之先，她当众大声地说：「主教，这个孩子是你的！」 ...................................................................... 1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very *** all. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, *When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah*. The teacher asked, *What if Jonah went to hell?* The little girl replied, *Then you ask him!* 2) A student es to a young professor*s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.*I would do anything to pass this exam, * she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. *I mean,* she whispers, *I would do anything... *He returns her gaze, *Anything?**Anything.*His voice softens, *Anything?**Anything,* she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. *Would you ... study?* 　　你可以读的慢一点 　　Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 (2) nest n.窝；巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓励 (5) resemble v. 相似；类似 鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the *** ooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her posure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference beeen a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not ing empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf 在一个乡村路上，一警察让这个农民靠边停车，说：“先生，你意识到你的妻子在几公里前从车上掉下去了吗？”农民回答说：“感谢上帝，我还以为我聋了呢！” Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he es up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too." 拳击和赛跑 丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。” 朋友： “如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？” 丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。” Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I’d know him anywhere," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,"发生了什么事？“ ”一个男孩咬了我一口，“伊凡说。 ”再见到他时你能认出来吗?"妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里呢。” Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen! 老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？ 马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。 老师：错了。 马修：可是，先生！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。 1.When Was Rome Built? 罗马是什么时候建成的？ Teacher: When was Rome built? Tom: At night. Teacher: Who told you that? Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day. 老师：罗马是什么时候建成的？ 汤姆：在夜里建成的。 老师：谁告诉你的？ 汤姆：是您啊。您说过罗马不是在一个白天建成的。 2.He Knows the Answer 他知道答案 Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century? Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead. 教师：你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？ 学生：我能，先生。他们都死了。 3.Where do babies e from? 小孩从哪里来？ I asked my father where babies e from. He says you download them from the Inter. 我问爸爸小孩是从哪里来的，他说是从网上下载的。 4.An Essential Correction 实质性的纠正 Teacher: Walter, why don’t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning. Walter: What was it? Teacher: Eggs. Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday. 老 师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。 沃尔特：我吃了什么？ 老 师：鸡蛋。 沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。 5. I Don’t Feel Like Getting into an Argument 我不想争论 “Gerald,” asked the teacher, “what is the shape of the earth?” “It's round,” answered Gerald. “How do you know it's round?” continued the teacher. “All right, it’s square then,” he replied, “ I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!” “杰拉尔德，”老师说，“地球是什么形状的？” “是圆形的，”杰拉尔德回答。 “你怎么知道是圆的？”老师继续问。 “好，那就是方的吧，”他回答说。“我真的不想和您争论这件事！” 6.Three Reasons 三个理由 Teacher: Bob, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round. Bob: Mum says so, Dad says so, and you say so! 老师：鲍勃，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。 鲍勃：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，您也是这么说的！ 7.Who Should be Given the Present? 礼物该给谁？ A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!” 一个有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集来问这件礼物应该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么？”他问道。 大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩儿吧。” 8.Big Head 大脑袋 “All the kids make fun of me,” The boy cried to his mother. “They say I have a big head.” “Don't listen to them,” his mother consoled. “You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes.” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I haven't got one, use your hat.” “所有的孩子都拿我取乐，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说。“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了, 去到店里买10磅土豆来。” “兜子在哪儿呢？” “我没有兜子——就用你的帽子吧。” 　　有一个外国人来到中国。一天，他路过K F C（肯德基），看见里面的客人在吃像血一样的东西，他就问：“那是什么？”服务员说：“那是番茄酱。”外国人想：原来中国人的血叫做 番茄酱。 他又路过一家鸡腿店，看见里面的客人在吃像腿一样的东西，他问：“那是什么？”服务员说：“那是鸡腿。”外国人想：原来中国人的腿叫 鸡腿。 他又路过一家文具店，看见里面有一个大得像汽车一样的橡皮擦，他问：“那是什么？”老板说：“那是橡皮擦。”外国人想：原来中国人的汽车叫 橡皮擦。 他又路过一家酒店，看见一个男的正和一个女的吵架。男的说：“ *** ！”女的说：“你娘的！”外国人想：原来中国人男的叫 你娘的；女的叫 *** 。 后来，他看见了一场车祸。一个男的车撞到了一个女的车，那个被撞的女的脚上海流血了。他就这样打电话给警察： “在xx街的路口上，一个 你娘的汽车撞了一个 *** 。那个被撞的 *** 鸡腿上流了好多番茄酱......” 
   

5. 英语笑话:我把丈夫变成了百万富翁

A woman was telling her friend   "It is I who made my hu *** and a millionaire."  "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.  The woman replied   "A billionaire."“我把丈夫变成了一个百万富翁。”一个女人告诉她的朋友。   “那他结婚前是什么样的呢？”朋友问。   “那时他是个千万富翁。” 
   

6. 经典英语幽默笑话小故事？

　　冷笑话不同于一般的笑话，以其独特的制笑机制，能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。下面我整理了英语幽默笑话小故事，希望大家喜欢! 
   　　英语幽默笑话小故事摘抄  
  　　Which month to go?几月走的 
 
  　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect. 
 
  　　杰克给人鞠躬，飞快地一点头，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说，下次鞠躬的时候，你就在心里数：正月、二月、……一直数到十二月为止，然后再直起身来。这样，礼节就周全了。 
 
  
 
  　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away? 
 
  　　第二天，杰克见到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。这躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一惊，赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便问过路人：我叔叔几月走的? 
   　　英语幽默笑话小故事鉴赏  
  　　Reason of Punishment 
 
  　　One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school Iwas punished for something that I didn't do. 
 
  　　The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this!By the way, what was it that you didn't do? 
 
  　　The little girl replied, My homework. 
 
  　　惩罚的原因 
 
  　　一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。 
 
  　　妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么? 
 
  　　小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。 
   　　英语幽默笑话小故事赏析  
  　　埋在花园里的枪 Guns Buried in the Garden 
 
  　　An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted toplant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up thegarden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig upthat garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! 
 
  　　一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。” 
 
  　　At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden,but didn't find any guns. 
 
  　　第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。” 
 
  　　Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. 
 
  　　老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。 
 
  　　His son's reply was: Just plant your potatoes. 
 
  　　儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。” 
   　　英语幽默笑话小故事欣赏  
  　　临死者最爱吃的小甜饼 Favorite Cookies 
 
  　　An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly *** elled the aroma ofhis favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength,and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of thebedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing withboth hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. 
 
  　　一位濒临死亡的老人正躺在他的床上，承受着死亡的煎熬。突然一股香味顺着楼下飘了上来，那正是他最喜欢的巧克力小薄饼的味道。他用尽吃奶的力气挣扎着从床上爬了起来，倚著墙，慢慢地走出了卧室，并且用最后的力量用双手抓住扶手走下了楼梯。老人靠在门框上，嘴里喘着气，眼睛凝神著厨房。 
 
  　　Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spreadout upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chipcookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing toit that he left this world a happy man? 
 
  　　如果不是因为承受着临死的痛苦，老人会认为自己到了天堂。那里，在厨房铺着报纸的桌子上，确切地说有数百个他最喜欢吃的巧克力小薄饼。真在天堂吗?还是他那离婚妻子的最后一次英雄般的爱心显示，以便让他开心地离开这个世界? 
 
  　　Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in arumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in hi *** outh; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shockingly made itsway to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly *** acked with a spatula by hiswife. 
 
  　　集中最后的力量，老人跪着双膝挣扎着移向桌子。他口干舌燥，嘴巴张开。他感受到了美妙的甜饼味道，仿佛要将他带回人世。他的一只年迈干瘪的手颤颤悠悠地伸向桌子边缘的一只小甜饼。突然，他妻子扔过一把铲子，砸在他的手上。 
 
  　　Stay out of those, she said, they're for the funeral. 
 
  　　“离远点”，他妻子说。“这是为你的葬礼准备的。”

7. 英语幽默笑话小故事

 英语幽默笑话小故事
                       　 　英语幽默笑话小故事一： 
    
       　　Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I'm going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said. "Oh, that's all right," answered Joan. "I'm his sister." "I'm very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I'm his mother!"
       　　 英语幽默笑话小故事二： 
       　　Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first one's name was George, and the second one's name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?" Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him. Then George said, "Now I haven't got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one. Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?" Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door. George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped. "What do you want now?" Bill said to him. George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What's your girl-friend's address?"
       　　 英语幽默笑话小故事三： 
       　　est Point My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point." One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
    ;

8. 「笑话」英语幽默小故事

 「笑话」英语幽默小故事
                        　　Good Sight 好视力 
    
       　　Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?
       　　Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.
       　　律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西?
       　　证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。
        　　来信 
       　　Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
       　　″I have known many an instance(实例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″
       　　一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。
       　　他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们：“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”
       　　Customer: Waiter, I can't find any oysters in this oyster stew.
       　　Waiter: Well, you wouldn't expect to find any angels in an angel food cake, would you?
       　　顾客：服务员，我这个牡蛎炖菜里怎么没有牡蛎?
       　　服务员：是啊，你不会指望在天使蛋糕里发现天使吧?
        　　玫瑰 
       　　On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.
       　　Are these for your wife, sir? she asked.
       　　Yes, I said.
       　　For her birthday? she asked.
       　　No, I replied.
       　　For your anniversary?
       　　No, I said again.
       　　As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, I hope she forgives you.
       　　一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些刚剪下来的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走进店里，一个年轻的女售货员跟我打了个招呼。
       　　先生，这些是送给你妻子的吗?她问道。
       　　是的，我说。
       　　她的生日?她问。
       　　不是，我回答。
       　　你们的结婚纪念日?
       　　不是，我又答道。
       　　当我将找回的钱装进口袋，朝门口走去时，那年轻的女人冲我喊道：希望她能原谅你。
        　　Part-time Job业余工作 
       　　When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
       　　"How was your first day?" I asked.
       　　"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
       　　Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
       　　"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
       　　我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。
       　　“第一天感觉如何?”我问。
       　　“好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”
       　　由于斯蒂芬不善言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么?”
       　　“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装?”
       　　Who Discovered Australia?谁发现了澳大利亚?
       　　Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
       　　Johnny: It's there, sir.
       　　Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
       　　Sammy: Johnny, sir.
       　　老师：约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。
       　　约翰尼：先生，在这儿。
       　　老师：对了。萨默，你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚?
       　　萨默：先生，是约翰尼。